Things that made me cry this afternoon:

A photograph from under a bridge on the Cornell campus. 3 students have committed suicide there this month by jumping off of bridges.

An article about loving God above all things, including your childrens' futures.

We didn't start the fire

but now we've got to fight it....or go down in flames.

Speaking of British Literature

Flow gently, sweet Afton, among thy green braes!
Flow gently, I'll sing thee a song in thy praise!
My Mary's asleep by the murmuring stream --
Flow gently, sweet Afton, disturb not her dream!

Thou stock dove whose echo resounds thro' the glen,
Ye wild whistling blackbirds in yon thorny den
Thou green-crested lapwing, thy screaming forbear --
I charge you, disturb not my slumbering fair!

How lofty, sweet Afton, thy neighbouring hills,
Far mark'd with the courses of clear, winding rills!
There daily I wander, as noon rises high,
My flocks and my Mary's sweet cot in my eye.

How pleasant thy banks and green vallies below,
Where wild in the woodlands the primrose blow:
There oft, as mild ev'ning weeps over the lea,
The sweet-scented birk shades my Mary and me.

Thy crystal stream, Afton, how lovely it glides,
And winds by the cot where my Mary resides!
How wanton thy waters her snowy feet lave,
As, gathering sweet flowerets, she stems thy clear wave!

Flow gently, sweet Afton, among thy green braes!
Flow gently, sweet river, the theme of my lays!
My Mary's asleep by thy murmuring stream --
Flow gently, sweet Afton, disturb not her dream!

<3

Loving Fathers

Mark Driscoll's facebook update last night:

"My 6 yr old girl sat on my lap for dinner, snuggled, held my hand continually, prayed for me, & ensured her photos were on my phone before my flight. Daughters are amazing."

Chauvinism much?

So, my prof in developmental psyc showed us this book today. It's one of those things that it's so bad, it's funny.

Here's the book online.

You should go read it. It won't even take 5 minutes.

On Malcolm X

"In prison he joined the Black Muslims, became an avid reader, broke the habits of smoking, eating pork, using drugs, and uttering profanities."
~The Religious Care of the Psychiatric Patient, Wayne E. Oates.

An interesting list, to be sure...

Swine Flu

Brilliant.

Its strange how certain things just stick with you...

I wrote a song for my 6th grade English class. I haven't looked at it in years, and yet the chorus popped into my head this evening.

I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel
But it turns out that light was just an on-coming train
I just keep living my life, day-by-day
But I can't help wondering: will my life stay this way?

hm.

Do it yourself

You'd think if we were exporting all of our jobs, we'd at least have the sensibility to export our tools as well, so that we don't need a set of Chinese screwdrivers* to take apart a simple household fan.

But no...



*Not a racism comment. They have different (normally smaller) tools in China.

"Freedom" by Run Kid Run

I heard this song last night on the radio. It's awesome. Partly because it's a great song, but mostly because it's so true.

Our God is a truly awesome God!

"One thing must be emphatically stated.

The New Testament books did not become authoritative for the Church because they were formally included in a canonical list; on the contrary, the Church included them in her canon because she already regarded them as divinely inspired, recognizing their innate worth and generally apostolic authority, direct or indirect. The first ecclesiastical councils to classify the canonical books were both held in North Africa-at Hippo Regius in 393 and at Carthage in 397-but what these councils did was not to impose something new upon the Christian communities but to codify what was already the general practice of those communities."

~FF Bruce, The Reliability of NT documents, Ch 3.

"Sooner or later, Daddy and I will find out..."

This phrase emerged from the archives of my brain tonight. It was often said to us as kids: partly to convince my brother and I to tell our parents the truth, and partly to get us to behave (whether they were looking or not.)

But I made a realization tonight: that's not true. They don't always find out. They don't always know.

And I knew this, of course, but I never really made all of the connections. And part of me was a little sad, to be quite honest. How much better it would be-- I thought-- if they DID know. Then perhaps we'd be compelled to behave...or at least tell the truth. Because our parents would know about it.

And then I realized something:
We do have a Parent who knows what we do. God didn't reveal Himself to us as Father for no reason. He indeed knows all that we do.

And yet...are we any more well-behaved because of it?

A paradox...

Dungeons and Dragons. I've never played it, and honestly don't know much about it. To the best of my knowledge it's an RPG board game. I know people who've played it, I know it's popular, and that most people like it.

I also know that it DID (and perhaps still does in some small circles) have a cult-like following. People, teens especially, I suppose were getting sucked into the game, spending all their time, energy, and money on it. Then if their character died, that which they had built their identity on died as well. And it wouldn't be much of a stretch that several committed suicide over the death of their character.

What's inherently bad: the idolatry of it. If your life cannot go on once a fictional game character has died, it was your functional savior. If you can't see your life without D & D then that's idolatry. And that's a sin.

Fine. Relatively straight-forward.

But then there are other's who take it further than that... Jack Chick for instance. Here he has a tract, in typical Jack Chick fashion, on the "evils" of D & D. He goes so far to say that they actually promote witchcraft, sorcery, and the like.

It that true? Some would say yes. Others would say no.

And then I read a blog post on Challies talking about how Al Mohler, CJ Mahaney, Mark Dever, and John Piper...the head-dudes for Together for the Gospel...play D & D.

And then I get confused...

Especially when at work today I came across a paper for clients to reflect on their histories, to see perhaps why they might be having troubles like they are.
Most of the options were pretty standard: have you or anyone up to 2 generations removed from you...
-participated in the occult?
-been molested? raped? a victim of incest?
-practiced divination? palm reading? Ouija boards?
-attempted suicide? inflicted harm upon yourself?
-been a member of a cult (whole big long list)?
....you know. Pretty standard stuff.

But then there was some other things that threw me off....
-played D & D?
-played Magic-The Gathering?
-played with a magic 8 ball?

It's interesting. B/c at least as far as something like D & D is concerned, it's a big ol' paradox:
-People who like the game say there's no witchcraft/evil inherent in the game
-People against the game will say that there is. (And they either "escaped" from it, in which case they're probably pushing some sort of agenda. Or they've never played it b/c they think it's evil, and therefore will never know.)
-Both sides will think their opponents are blind liars.

Dresses

The first of (perhaps) many rants on wedding dresses:

Just because I want a "modest" wedding dress does NOT mean that I am
1. fat
2. Mormon

That is all. Thank you.

Machine Translation

So, here I am. Studying for my Spanish final. And my book is talking about the pros and cons of machine (computer) translation, and if it's even worth putting money into, b/c it's so darn complicated. And it's talking about how it's especially hard with words that have various meanings, and how they might be translated.

This one is my favorite

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."=
"The vodka is good but the meat is rotten."

Perhaps we should do our translations by hand....

50 years ago...

...college students were getting crap for believing the Bible. It's very sad, but in some ways comforting to know that this is nothing new.

"in sending it forth afresh I continue to dedicate it to those university and college students throughout the world who, singly or in groups, maintain among their colleagues the apostolic witness to Jesus Christ our Lord.
F. F. B. April 1959."

-Preface to "The New Testament Documents: Are they reliable?" by FF Bruce

Like butter scraped over too much bread...

It's coming down to the end. And my motivation is fading fast. I keep thinking I just have to wait until....my pysc project is done, my finals are done, I go see John, I start my summer internship....and THEN things'll be better.

And the little Humanities teacher in my head is punching my brain, saying Live in the moment, live in the moment, live in the moment!

I'm trying. I know that God put me here to do something specific in this place and time. And maybe that's just homework for the time-being. But He has planned it, so I need to live it as He wants me to.

That doesn't make it easy... but I know that "for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Rom 8:28)

Even homework. :-)

It's 3 o'clock on a Tuesday

And my translation still sounds like...well, a translation.

You know what that means?!?

Techno time!

In Honor of Velociraptor Awareness Day

http://xkcd.com/87/

http://xkcd.com/135/

(Don't forget to scroll over the pictures to see the extra message!)

With thanks to Mrs. Amy Lynn Kalmar-Jam

This, you may recall is the author of my NT class textbook- the infamous Bart Ehrman- on the Colbert Report. It's most amusing. Enjoy. :-)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Bart Ehrman
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor NASA Name Contest

Phraseology

So, a lot of our idioms don't translate word for word into other languages. Spanish is no exception.

Perhaps my favorite phrase I've learned yet:

English phrase- to let the fox guard the hen house
Spanish phrase- poner la iglesia en manos de Lutero
Literal English translation- to put the Church in Luther's hands

:-D

Easter Break Homework

If I were my NT professor, the only assignment I'd give to my students would be to go to/ watch an Easter service. After all, isn't that the point of the whole Bible?

But, no. I get to compare "inconsistencies" between Galatians and Acts...

From my community service paper

"People won’t listen to you unless they respect you. And they won’t respect you unless you respect them."

I wrote it, then read it and was really please with what I saw. Praise God for insight! :-D

Mira!

I'm working on my Spanish translation, which I figure I'll be pretty proud of when all is said and done.

This is my word of the day. And perhaps of my life. Alfajores. It doesn't really translate, but if I had to guess, I'd say it means "love and happiness."

Brave by Nichole Nordeman

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

Random tidbits

~According to the middle school kids I work with, I'm gay. Because when I have a cup in my hand I have a tendency to swirl it subconsciously (because I do that to my coffee in the morning to mix it better.) I'm not sure what they have found in their extensive amounts of scientific and psychological research that has lead them to this conclusion, but I think they need to double-check their data. (Or just stop calling everyone and their mom "gay".)

~In England the expression "everyone and their brother" (or mom, as I tend to modify it) is "everyone and their dog."

~"Potable": def. suitable for drinking. Good to know. I was thinking that it was an alternate pronunciation of "portable."

~I may actually get an A in Spanish this semester! It would be the only A I've gotten in a college Spanish class. I'm pretty excited!

What a fallen, fallen world...

A friend of mine, a 6th grader, asked my advice on what to do with a friend who talks about suicide and cuts himself with a pencil...

It breaks my heart to even think that a 12 year old would face such problems.

There's a grief that can't be spoken

All-nighters, much?

No. Thank you very much. I like to avoid them like the plague. But last night, I got stuck with one...pretty much. Going to bed at 5, waking up at 7:30... that just doesn't count in my book.

But! My paper is done, and all is well.

Some amusing insights into my adventure last night.
1. Craisin trail mix is awesome stuff! The perfect 3am snack!

2. Pandora becomes your bff whilst pulling an all-nighters. (While I confirmed w/ my new study buddy down the hall...we were both in the study room, headphones on, listening to pandora radio.

3. It's really easy to fall asleep after 2am. And almost any sort of music will lull you to sleep. (yes, indeed, even techno) There is, however, at least one exception. That which Pandora calls "Deathcore Metal." No joke. It's ridiculous. I spent the wee hours of the morning listening to it, b/c it was the only thing keeping me awake. Thankfully, I was too tired and too focused to understand the words (upon listening to it this morning, it was a bit frightening...).

4. To keep myself amused with this new music sensation, I decided to define it. So here goes.

"Deathcore Metal" =
The Swedish Chef
+

Gollum
+

The Gremlins
+

A Machine Gun
+

Insanely Impossible Guitar Hero Riffs
+

This guy's voice at age 75

Dreaming? Being awake?

I've been having nightmares every time I sleep...for about 3 days now. For whatever reason they come and go; but when they're around it's not pleasant. And I wake up, petrified, and then fall back asleep. Only to remember them in the middle of the next day.

And then, the days....well, they just have a personality of their own.

Sometimes...

it's worth being up early, studying for your exam in the lounge. The look on the security guard's face when he comes past, is priceless.

What he thought (according to his face): "Wait? What the crap is that? Is that a student? It can't be.... It is! Holy crap! What is a student doing awake?? I'm so confused!"

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!

There once was a poor old man who owned a bony plow horse. The animal was old, but allowed the man and his son to plow the fields to grow the food off of which they lived. One spring afternoon the horse broke loose from his plow and ran away. The man and his son chased the horse, but it ran into the forest. They searched the woods for days, but to no avail. They were without any means of making a living. The old man’s friends, hearing the yelling, ran to his house. Trying to console him, they said, “We’re so sorry about your horse, old man. What a misfortune you’ve had.” But the old man said, “Bad news, good news-who can tell?”

A week later, the old man and his son were in the field, attmepting to plow it by hand, when they saw a cloud of dust approaching on the horizon. Lo and behold, it was their horse returning leading a herd of wild horses. The old man was rich! Not only did he have plenty of horses to work on his farm but he could sell the others at a profit. Again his friends came running. Filled with joy, they cried, “How wonderful!” But the old man whispered, “Good news, bad news-who can tell?”

Then the next day, when the farmer’s son was trying to ride one of the new horses, the young man was thrown to the ground and broke both of his legs. Upon hearing of the accident, the friends ran to the old man's house. "How unfortunate!" they cried. "Surely this is horrible news!" But the old man simply replied, “Bad news, good news-who can tell?”

And a short time later when the village went to war. A declaration went out that all young men had to go and fight. But when the recruitment officer came to the house of the old man, he shrugged, saying "We've no place for your son in this war." So the son avoided going into battle. Good news. Bad news. Who can tell?

Procrastination...or lack thereof

I'm spending my entire weekend working on a paper that isn't due until the 23rd. It's kinda crazy. At present, my only deadline is to finish taking notes on a book that needs to be back to the library by tomorrow night.

I don't think I've ever done this before....except when being forced by deadlines for notecards (which I don't count).

It's so strange....

I'm getting a little bored, and I just realized: I can take a break! It's not due on Monday or anything! I don't have to kill myself to get it done this minute.

Is this maturity? Responsibility? Wisdom?

Whatever it is....it's weird :-p

"Problems" with my thesis for Roots of Early Christianity

~I can't say that Paul thinks that men should have only one wife (without specifying that this only applies to those who choose to marry...cf 1 Cor 7)

~I can't refer to the the letters of the New Testament as the "Pauline epistles" (b/c my professor doesn't think that Paul wrote all of them)

~I'm not allowed to capitalize pronouns referring to Jesus (He, Him)

"We are mearly players, performers, and portrayers"

~Limelight, by Rush.

Someone said to me tonight, "Are you okay? You don't seem yourself..."

My unspoken question: If I'm not myself, then who am I?

To Bart Ehrman

(Author of The New Testament: A historical introduction to the early Christian writings: My NT textbook.)

A quote from Pastor Mark Driscoll's Tolerance Rant

"I don't care if you know what the showbread is, and the temple is, and what the lamp stand is...If you don't know Jesus, you don't know jack about the Bible!"

Excellent thoughts on suffering

A series of blog posts by Mark Driscoll on the Mars Hill Church blog. Very insightful. Most helpful.

Part 1: Intro
Part 2: 15 Kinds of Suffering
Part 3: Why do we suffer?

It could have been bad

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2009/03/city_police_apprehend_fugitive.html#more

The "undisclosed" M-burg area was the Wal-Mart parking lot.
He was there @ 7:30, shooting at cop cars.
I walked out of the store @ 7:45.

Praise God for safety!

Sorry Amy

"Faith alone saves, but the faith that saves is not alone."
~John Calvin(?)

A very well phrased answer to the question, "How can we be saved by grace alone through faith alone if 'faith apart from works is useless/dead' (James 2:20)?"

Lord, help us

"The pornography industry has a big stake in defending itself against legal challenges and restrictive laws, and it has been stunningly successful in doing so. One of the leading legal defenders of pornography has been David Ogden, a lawyer who can only be described as a First Amendment extremist, who has even argued against laws against child pornography.

President Barack Obama has nominated David Ogden as Deputy Attorney General of the United States. This nomination is both ominous and dangerous. Given David Ogden's high visibility in defense of pornography, this nomination sends a clear and unmistakable message. The pornography business will have a friend in high office in the Department of Justice."

~albert mohler

Sorrowful yet always rejoicing

Lately I've been feeling the weight of the fallenness of this world: neglect, death, sin, suffering, disease, unfaithfulness, sorrow, pride, mistruths, abuse....the list goes on and on.

My heart is heavy with these things, in myself and those I love.

But His Word is good and true. And so I am sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.

Here in the real world....it's not that easy at all

jobs, resumes, cover-letters, taxes, credit cards

when did all of this happen?

"By a standard of their choosing"

How does one operationally define a Christian?

"A standard of their choosing"? What does that even mean?

Work

I always wondered how people made it through college. They would talk about having several hundred pages of reading every night, and I thought "My goodness! They must have never slept!"

But now that I'm in that same situation, with probably 200ish pages to read for tomorrow, I realize how they made it.

They just didn't do all the work. :-p

And part of me still cringes at that. But I've come to accept that even if I do nothing else, I won't be able to do all my work, so why sacrifice the important things of life?

From "Introduction to Spanish Translation" by Jack Child

'The translator has another problem...whether to make his/ her translation so pleasing and beautiful in the target language...that it begins to lose faithfulness to the deeper meaning in the source language. The French express this "translator's dilemma" [as such:] "Translations are like lovers: the faithful are not beautiful and the beautiful are not faithful."'

The power of music

God speaks to us all sorts of ways. Sometimes it's awesomely and epically earth-shattering revelations. Others it's through prayer, or Scripture, or in a conversation.

And other times, He just works miracles through your playlist, to show you exactly what He wanted you to see. What was there all along; you just forgot it was there.

"I can tell the world"

I can tell the world about this.
I can tell the nations I'm blessed.
Tell them what my Lord has done,
Tell them that the conqueror has come.

Sometimes I think we get too wrapped up in our story that we miss seeing God in it. To take a step back from our lives and see what God has done in them....it's truly humbling.

Cardboard Testimonies

My roommate showed me this amazing video. After an already fantastic weekend, it was amazing to see how God is at work in the lives of so many people.

A quote from "City of Angels"

Seth: Why do people cry?
Maggie: What do you mean?
Seth: I mean... what happens physically?
Maggie: Well... umm... tear ducts operate on a normal basis to lubricate and protect the eye and when you have an emotion they overreact and create tears.
Seth: Why? Why do they overreact?
Maggie: [pause] I don't know.
Seth: Maybe... maybe emotion becomes so intense your body just can't contain it. Your mind and your feelings become too powerful... and your body weeps.

So appropriate for this weekend...

Route 15

If you've ever driven on it, you know the abundance of pornography stores ("adult bookstore" makes it sound far too sophisticated) that you encounter.

Every time I drive past one, I pray for the people there. That they may see their sin and folly and that they would Jesus would save them. Every time. There are between 5-10 stores between Harrisburg and Williamsport.

One time, a car was turning into the parking lot, and I prayed that they'd flee from that sin. And they didn't go in. I watched the car turn back onto Rt. 15 in my rearview mirror. They went back the way they had come. Perhaps it was someone who just missed their exit and was circling back. Perhaps the person forgot their wallet. Perhaps God touched their heart. Perhaps that was a turning point for them. Perhaps they've never gone back.

Today, I had 2 very different experiences in my driving:

The first wasn't too far from home. Driving past a store I prayed for the people inside, and for the owner. But there were no cars there! I was thrilled! How wonderful it was to see no vehicles parked outside a pornography store!

And then I passed one on my way into Williamsport. And the parking lot was sickeningly full. And it made me really sad.

And so I keep praying.

Wow

That's all I can say to this quote.

Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist.
~Rita Mae Brown

Double standards

I just realized something:

My exegesis paper is supporting male headship in a marriage relationship: a concept with which my professor disagrees.

But I'll be able to get away with it, so long as it's detailed, and I refute the counter-arguments.

Would she be so lenient on a guy in our class doing the same paper?

Praise God for penny-pinching

I feel like I'm writing for love God, not money, but I was just so excited about my food buying that I had to share.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving for 4Fs (our United Campus Ministry's weekly gathering), and I'm in charge of snackage.

Since it's Thanksgiving, I was told to make sure it was good.

Our normal budget for food is $15. I was told I could go a little over if needed, but it'd be better not to push the budget too far this early in the year.

I bought the following:
3 Liters of Coke- $3.92
2 Boxes of Giant brand vanilla wafers- $3
2 Frozen Pumpkin Pies (each will feed 8-12 people)- $5.98
2 Containers of Cool Whip- $2

Total w/ tax(for those of you who don't like math either)- $15.14

Amount of money saved (b/c of a Giant bonuscard, and buying just the right things)- $6.31

Yay!

A fine line?

I have trouble deciding what the government should do concerning highly moral issues. The big one right now (w/ Prop 8 being such a headliner) is gay marriage/unions/whatever.

I know where I stand on it. I stand where the Bible stands on it. Homosexuality is a sin.

And as a Christian, I can't condone homosexuality in any form, let alone making it an establishment.

But as an American, there's part of me that wonders about the separation of church and state. Should our religious values really be getting tied up in our political decisions?

Can you make political decisions using a values system that isn't religiously derived?

On one end, I'm horribly opposed to the government sanctioning gay marriage, because it's a sin.

And on the other end, I'm more or less indifferent: because is that the role of the government to say who can marry whom?

Calvin and Hobbes

Since I'm in the middle of fighting off a cold/ sinus infection/ whatever it is, I found these quite appropriate and amusing.

Enjoy!

You know what's disturbing?

The fact that you can't even look at a sermon on youtube without being inundated by smut. Mars Hill Church is currently doing a series on Song of Solomon, which I applaud them for. It's in the Bible, it needs being taught, and it takes guts to do so.

With the book itself being (shall we say?)controversial in a lot of churches, it's not surprising that they would have a segment entitled: "Why preach a book about sex?" (Which if you want to watch go here- their website- and not youtube.)

Which brings me to the source of my writing. I see this video in my subscriptions. I click on it, knowing that it's perfectly legit and everything. And because there's the word "sex" in the title all of the side bar suggested viewing videos are...bad. Very bad. Pornographic is not too strong of a word in this case.

I'm beyond words. But it's frustrating. Sites like youtube are such a good place for people to plug in to get sermons and such. And yet they're so filled with sketch that you're bound to run into it sooner or later.

And they'll know that we're Christians by our tips

As someone who's waited tables for an entire summer, I can testify to how crummy serving can be some nights. Generally it was great, and I had fun, but some nights it was super terrible. And what's even worse it when you totally get shafted (<10%) on a tip, when you worked your butt off, kept their glasses filled, cleared away their dishes, and were really nice to them.

We went out to Olive Garden tonight (Amy's favorite, I know). I was 7 of us, so we were a bigger table than your standard 4 top. We had 2 waitresses, and they worked super hard to do well by us. And they did! I was impressed! That takes skill and they pulled it off (on top of a full dining room.)

Now, we may be college students. And we may not have much money. But waitresses make $2.83 an hour. They live off of tips. How do we dare to go somewhere nice, demand excellent service and then tip them hardly anything?

That's terrible! And people say, "Well, if they're making 2.83 an hour, and they turn over 3 tables an hour, and each gives them a $2 tip, then they're making minimum wage...."

Yes, yes they are.

And if you want minimum wage service, I suggest you go to a fast food restaurant. Where they hand you your food and an empty cup and you take it and deal with it yourself.

But if you're going to a restaurant, you should be willing to pay a bit more than minimum wage. Yes, you're paying for your food too, but that money doesn't go to your waitress. It goes to the buying of products, the chain, the managers, the cooks, the utilities, the liquor license.... They hardly see any of that.

And as Christians we're no different. People don't understand the volumes that their tips speak about them.

If we were just to tip well, and leave a little note: "Thanks, and God bless!" Think of what that could do. What does that show to a non-believing waitress/waiter?

I got 3 notes on my checks all summer. One was my first table I waited on, and he saw I was really nervous. One was a super nice couple who practically tipped me 75%. And the other was when Gabby and Brent visited.

Even the smallest gestures make a BIG impression in the middle of a hectic shift.

Why don't we take advantage of it?

The Sabbath

is a day a rest.

A day of resting from our normal work
and
A day of resting in Jesus.

Sleeping all day long doesn't count as keeping the Sabbath. Not doing homework doesn't count as keeping the Sabbath. Sitting in front of the tv doesn't count as keeping the Sabbath.

You've got to be resting in Him, as well as resting from your normal labors.

I'm only one person

And one person can't have good solid deep conversations with 30 people. It just doesn't work like that. I want people to know that I'm there for them. But I can't be there for everyone.

It just doesn't work.

Schizophrenia

If I had to pick one mental disorder that would most likely be caused by demonic possession, it'd have to be schizophrenia. (Which I can now spell without needing spell check!)

But seriously, this is an evil disorder. Most people confuse it with Dissociative Personality Disorder (AKA Multiple Personality Disorder), but they're nothing alike. Schizophrenia literally means "a splitting from reality." Which is sadly and horrifyingly true.

We've spent about 2 weeks on it in class so far. But all the lecture in the world couldn't prepare me for some virtual simulation videos that I found online.

The first isn't bad. It's just really kinda weird. (You only have to watch to 2:30 ish). The second man to go through the simulation is a schizophrenic who with the help of medication has not been suffering these delusions. But you can tell from his reaction that the simulation is pretty much dead on with what he's seen.

The second I ask that you *please* don't watch if you're having a bad day. Or just thinking negatively at present about yourself/your life. Because it will NOT help in the slightest. This simulation is a little more realistic, and shows some of the distortion that schizophrenics deal with (changing normal things to scary/ self-deprecating things...the posters, the TV, the painting) as well as the barrage of negative thoughts.

Horrifying. And there's no good treatment for it. We have medications, but they've got horrendous side effects (Parkinson's-like symptoms, constant facial twitching, depression...). The new meds are better but are horrible for your health. Did you notice the size of the man in the first movie? The one who was schizophrenic? I can almost guarantee you that he wasn't that large before the meds. They're known to cause you to gain weight at ridiculous rates: 50-100 lbs in a year...with normal eating. Which leads to diabetes, hypertension, heart attacks...

And the scary thing is that it doesn't set in some years after puberty. Early 20s for men, late 20s for women. You're just cruising right along living a nice life. You're normally pretty smart, you get good grades, and then you just fall off the world.

If this isn't demonic possession....at least in some cases....then I don't know what is.

Obama

But we do have to recognize the leaps and bounds our country has grown by that we could elect an African American president.

You have to admit, that's pretty cool.

Sorry, baby

Your next president doesn't think you're a human being yet.

Trust

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Stephen King

I'm apparently becoming a bit of a connoisseur (crazy French spelling...) of film adaptations* of Stephen King's books and short stories.

The Langoliers
The Shawshank Redemption
Secret Window
Misery
1408
Sometimes They Come Back, which i just saw tonight.

He's talented. There's no question there.

But I don't really like his endings. He builds up to them so well, and then...bleh. I know the 'most important part is the ending' (Secret Window...the ending for which was indeed 'perfect') and that it's probably the hardest to write. But still.

And then I realized it- the ones with resolved endings aren't the ones that spook you. It's the vague ones that creep you out the most.

This movie also = great reason for why you shouldn't mess around with spirits and ghosts and crap. Not that the main character was...but still. Just saying.

rating- one thumb up, and one sideways.

*normally I fight vehemently against those who see the movies but have never touched the books. I consider these to be an exception because movies are over and done with in an hour or so (making them less creepy), and you can watch them with other people...so you're not so freaked out. And you can just close your eyes if you don't want to see something.

It literally scares the hell out of me

"First, the online response has been shocking and we are grateful for all our Internet friends who have tripled traffic to the Mars Hill Church website (www.marshillchurch.org) and also pushed our iTunes podcast as high as #4 under Religion and Spirituality, just behind Oprah, Joel Osteen, and the LDS national conference."

Woah. Dang.

It takes MHC to do a series on sex to come in BEHIND Oprah, Joel Osteen, and the Mormons???

Are you freaking serious?

As Driscoll would say: that's just fresh toilet water.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory— even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles?" Romans 9:20-24

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Tim 3:16

Desks

They say that a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind.

For me, a cluttered desk= a cluttered life. It's rare that my desk-space isn't clear, and when it isn't it's because life is so stressful that I don't have time to keep it organized.

Perhaps it works in the reverse too: if I organize my desk, then maybe my life will become less stressful.

2 words

Psychomotor retardation.

Halloween

is just an excuse for girls to dress up in what they could never get away with any other time in October.

God is good.

God is good.

Hell is bad.

God is omnipotent.

God can do whatever He wants.

God is good.

People go to hell.

Jesus died so we wouldn't.

But people still do.

God is good.

Jesus' death could have covered it all.

But people still go to hell.

God....is.....good....

I know it's Biblical, but i just can't reconcile it in my brain.

Why yes...(part 2)

I spent almost all of the daylight hours on the computer with Jesus and my boyfriend, listening to sermons and talking.

Doesn't everyone?

Why yes...

...I DO listen to sermons, do my dishes, and clean my room to relax on a Friday night.

Doesn't everyone?

Divided Monarchy

There were kings in both Judah and Israel named Jehoram and Ahaziah.

And practically every other king's name started with J or A.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

It's too late for this silliness.

Optimism?

Well, I wasn't going to get much sleep tonight anyway, b/c of my exam. So this isn't making it much worse than it was going to be in the first place....

A comparison

Shakespeare: grocery store romance novels :: LOTR: Harry Potter

Sorry kids. HP was interesting and all, but Tolkien just plain owns.

Nada te turbe

Simply beautiful. And so much better in Spanish. But it's no good if you don't understand it...

Nada te turbe,
nada te espante,
todo se pasa;
Dios no se muda.
La paciencia
todo lo alcanza;
Quien a Dios tiene,
nada le falta;
Solo Dios basta.
~Santa Teresa


Translation...
Let nothing disturb you,
nothing surprise you,
all things pass;
God does not change.
Patience
it wins everything;
whoever holds onto God
lacks nothing;
God alone is enough.

Course Selection

Class listing:
REL-337W-A: Biblical Topics: Mark and Thomas.

Swell!

Until I looked at the course description: "By comparing and contrasting these two Gospels...." (emphasis mine)

Not so swell.

On Chronicles (and most of the OT)

I wonder why God, knowing from the start that He was going to reveal Himself to His people in one book (or 66...), decided to fill up so much of the Old Testament with genealogies, tribal/ military/ musician divisions, and very precise details (ie. the dimensions of Noah's ark, the ark, Solomon's temple....).

"I can't wait"

While I find myself using this phrase a good deal when associated with feelings of excitement, it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

"I'm excited" makes sense.

But "I can't wait" ?

What do you mean you can't wait? As in you're not going to make it until what you're waiting for comes? You're going to die of anticipation? Not likely.

It's a phrase I'm trying to weed out of my brain. Because I *can* wait, by God's grace. That doesn't mean it's *easy* to wait. But I can.

And for some things, I'll wait for as long as I have to...

Grace is

seeing a 98 on the back page of the exam you thought you bombed.

Old Testament Therapy

Depression isn't a new thing, by any means. And how did God treat it?

Sleep, food, sleep, food.

It's Biblical!

Slowly but surely

In a Christian setting, no one will ever refuse the use of a Bible verse. Whether or not they like the idea of using one.

"Hey, do you want me to get a verse for that?"

I can almost promise that you'll never hear: "No, that's okay. We don't really need a Bible verse."

They'll agree to it whether it was in their plans or not.

Arm-twisting? Perhaps just a bit. But I don't have a problem twisting arms for the Word.

Old Testament Exegesis Project

Is it just me, or is there something (or everything!) fundamentally wrong about making a thesis about a Biblical text, and then finding the resources to back your thesis?

Shouldn't the thesis be one of the last things? Shouldn't you be examining it in depth and from all sorts of angles before you make a thesis?

Far too many un-Biblical things can be Biblically defended if you take the former approach.

Dems and Reps

Republicans are apparently a really crappy thing from an economic standpoint. We're bad for unemployment rates, tax rates, economic trends and all sorts of other stuff.

Democrats on the flip side: decrease the unemployment rate, raise taxes for those who can afford to pay them, and lower them for those who can't, and just generally are better for the economy. Oh yeh. They're better at balancing the budget too.

http://www.stefanhayden.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/obama_mccain_taxcut.gif (McCain vs. Obama tax proposals)

It bothers me that McCain isn't increasing taxes on those who can actually afford it. That he's not making the wealthier shoulder more of the burden. (To whom much is given, much is expected. - Luke 12:48)

But at least he doesn't want to kill babies.

Biblical character

So, reading thru the OT, you meet a lot of people. A LOT of people. (I kind of wish my Bible had a Silmarillion-style index in the back so I could keep people straight.)

And having a zillion years of English lit classes, and now Spanish lit classes, I find myself asking all the time: Who's the protagonist? Who's the good guy in this story? And quite frankly it's hard to find a good guy. You have Saul, who starts out pretty good, but then goes all mad-crazy and tries to kill David a zillion times. David seems like a good guy, except for his...erm...womanizing, shall we say? His son, Amnon is a pretty straight-forward bad guy: we don't know much other than he rapes his sister. And then there's Absalom (which is an awesome name), who loves his sister and takes care of her, and avenges her...by killing his brother. And then he repents, but then he tries to overthrow his dad's kingdom!

Which makes one ask: Who's the good guy? Is there a good guy?? Even the good guys have a lot of bad in them.

It's the perfect question, that even the youngest child can answer. And it applies as much today as it did then. None of us are doing any better than Saul or David or any of them.

Who's the good guy?

Jesus.

A good rule of thumb:

Don't tick off your pharmacist.

"Yeh, I know what about 3/4 of this campus is on...But I won't/ can't say what."

They're powerful, knowledgeable people.

Don't waste your life

My new questions, that I have to ask myself sometimes dozens of times a day:

Am I using my time how God wants me to? Am I glorifying Him in this action? Is this a good use of the gift of time He's given me?

Old habits die hard

I'm trying to stop cracking my knuckles. It's not easy.

Living on love

Sometimes sleep needs to be sacrificed. Sometimes you have to sleep thru your first class and have your Spanish prof ask if you're okay because you can't keep your eyes open in class. Sometimes you just have to buy that cup of coffee. Sometimes you have to sacrifice sleep for more important things.

And it's always worth it. <3

Additionally...

I'm so angry I literally can't think straight right now. I'm getting a massive headache just thinking about it. If my ankle weren't such a butt I'd probably go running right about now...

Just when you think it can't get worse...

From Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church, Seattle:

"The big issue I’m dealing with now is the Hump Fest coming up next month. It’s the amateur porn festival. Everyone gets together in a theater and votes on which porn is the best. To make it in the festival, you need to have something in the film that shows that the film was made for this festival. This year, that’s me. People are trying to have sex around our church and in the bathrooms."

Yeh. Like terrorists hold up daily newspapers to show the authenticity of a video, apparently for this there's a different trademark of sorts that you have to have. And this year it's Mars Hill.

How much more depraved can we be?!? Isn't it bad enough to have any such "festival"??? Isn't that enough sin? That people get together and vote on what smut is the smuttiest???

Apparently not. Apparently, they can't just use their freedom of assembly to watch porn. They have to attack the Church. Christ's bride. *

It's an interesting point too: in this day of so much youtube, these videos will now be mixed in with regular MHC video. So people who are already struggling enough, who get on youtube to listen to sermon clips (imagine!) will be inundated by porn videos.

How evil can you get?

Prayers for Mars Hill. I can only imagine how difficult it is/will be for them.

*John Piper (rough quote): 'Can you imagine the mountains of wrath that are being stored up against such atrocities?' from somewhere in Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

a strange change

It's been awhile since I have legitimately (ie, not because of caffeine or too many naps) not been able to fall asleep. Until last night, apparently. I must have laid awake for 2+ hours. For no reason I could put my finger on: except having too much on my mind and being generally kinda stressed out.

It wouldn't have been so terrible if I didn't have nightmares on top of that. All of them (not surprisingly) dealing with time crunches and the like.

And when you don't sleep well, you're not rested. And when you're not rested you don't wake up. And on Sunday that means you miss church. Darn.

The best defense of being pro-life I've ever heard

Never say never

Oh how I'll be glad to turn twenty. Perhaps my teen-aged "no one understands me/ what I'm going through" angst will magically disappear. (We can hope, right?)

~For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Heb. 4:15)

~And that same high priest knows what we're going through, and (whether or not we know it) puts people around us who are experiencing the exact same thing.

"There's no one I can talk to, because no one is going through a similar situation." = so very not true.

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one.

From my into to religion class notes....

Symbols- are the way we experience the sacred...Bring together opposites -> 'Lamb of God' Jesus does not say "ba ba ba"

Crazy faith

You're not asking if I love this man
I know you don't, you don't believe you can
Yet I've seen love open like a dancer's fan
It's crazy I know,
But my faith says so:
It tells me.

There are certain things that should just not be fooled around with.

Spirits, ghosts, demons, and demonic possession are some of those things.

It's very strange. For whatever reason a handful of people on my floor are really into that kind of stuff. (They won't drink or do drugs, but they'll go to graveyards seeking out spirits and demons....???)

A handful of them have been (supposedly) possessed. Here on campus and when they're out visiting graveyards. I've never seen it, but they say so.

They've performed exorcisms too. Apparently all you need is a Bible, a cross, and some "holy water". I didn't ask what they counted as holy water, or how the water became holy....again it's just what I've heard.

A cry for attention? The blind leading the blind? Something to kill time? For laughs? Or is it real?

A part of me wants to know. Wants to go on one of their little outings just to show them how lame they're (probably) being.

Having taken various psyc classes, I'm even more skeptical. There's a whole list of fallacies in "believing" in ghosts, and a longer list of *why* people do.
-Power of suggestion
-Expectation influences outcome
-Coincidence
-Mob mentality
-Needing attention.....etc etc

And a large part of me is skeptical. Because I know that when there were witch hunts in the days of yore, that they came and went in waves. There wouldn't be any talk of witches for years, and then ONE case would come up and everyone and their mom was a witch (ie, Salem, MA). Then after awhile it died out for a few years.

On the other hand, that sort of thing does exist. Jesus performed exorcisms. People can really have demons.

And if this is *actual* demonic possession, 1. I don't know why they're seeking it out and 2. I don't want any parts of it.

Sometimes I just need my space

I need to be by myself. I need to not hear the rest of the outside world. I need to play my music. I need to space out. I need to not think. I need to not worry about everything in the world.

That's not easy in college.

Not a big deal

"Nothing happened. Well....not nothing. But not....well you know what I mean" -Bob

"Well. Not really... Okay so to be tremendously blunt, so that I see what you're saying... you made out with her but didn't sleep with her?" -Me

"Yeh. Pretty much. So it's not a big deal." -Bob (who, you may have guessed, isn't actually Bob. his name's not important for this.)

It's.
No.
Big.
Deal.

It's no big deal??

------

I remember when 'sleepovers' were a bunch of girls getting together on someone's birthday. You ate tons of food, talked a lot, and watched movies.

Such is not the way of things anymore. People frequently don't return to their own rooms on a nightly basis. But that doesn't mean they're sleeping on the floor in another building. Or that they've stayed up all night talking.

But its no big deal.

------

My girlfriend is somewhere else entirely, so I can take advantage of this girl who's naive enough to think that I'm just in this for friendship. And I'm going to see if I can have this girl here, and my girlfriend at the same time. The girlfriend doesn't need to know about this girl. I can pull it off.

It's no big deal.

-Jim

------


Him- I have a close friend. She's pretty nice, and we get along pretty well. We got to the same church, have a lot of similar interests.

Her- But he won't date me. He says I'm "crazy" just b/c I have ADD and depression.

Him- Yeh, it's no big deal.

------

Yes, the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong. But its not in the red letters. So it's not a big deal.

------

I can't even comment on these, I'm so frustrated. I had to just get them out of my head before I got too upset.

It is a big deal.

Lord, please help them to see that. Help your children to show them that.

Things of today...

Today I lost the last tiny bit of respect that I might have had for Emily Dickinson. This poem is part of a song we're singing in choir, and once I got past the trippy wording, I realized what it said...hence ruining her for good in my mind.

Gah! This kind of theology is so upsetting. I mean it's right there in Hebrews!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had an interesting announcement in choir tonight. CAS (the creative arts society) was have a free pizza and condoms night. Yes, and it's everything that it's name would indicate. They give you free pizza as a draw (though it's hardly necessary...which is the lamentable bit) and they have someone [presumably...i never went, but know people who have] talk about safe sex and the like and then pass around a bag of assorted condoms and you take as many as you like.

I just breaks my heart, quite honestly. To think that one of the most precious things God gave us....and that He said was "very good".....is being so terribly abused.

Sex is for marriage! And for nothing else. You know what it is outside of marriage? Fornication. Once again. Pick up a Bible- it's in almost every single list of sins that are made.

Gah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a happier note- God is awesome. And turns little-to-no practice time into worship that praises Him mightily. 'Tis good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I learned something very interesting in pscy class today: so....basic psyc 101 lecture- there are pleasure centers in your brain, to which a molecule called dopamine binds when you experience something enjoyable. (There's a reason why "dope" is derived from dopamine. When you smoke it, it creates more of this molecule which binds to the pleasure centers making you happy/ high.)

People who are easily addicted to things (drugs, alcohol, and most anything you can get addicted to) have more pleasure centers in their brains than the "average" person. So when they ________ (fill in the blank...say, have a drink) they enjoy it more than a "normal" person would. The dopamine has more places to bind to, and you feel happier.

So if you've been addicted to something in the past, you're predisposed to becoming addicted to something else (or the same thing) again.

It's just a matter of psychology.

And we wouldn't be able to overcome any such obstacles without His love, mercy and grace.

It's just the Truth.

Why?

Why do I spend so much energy in mixing with the freshmen? Why do I break my shell of introversion and start a conversation when I'd just as soon sit in silence? Why bother? Why try?

Because I was first loved by Someone who didn't have to do what He did for me.

Christ didn't have to die on the cross to bring us closer to God. God didn't have to send Him to do so. But He did. And in so doing showed us love.

And sometimes freshmen, I think, know what it means to be unloved more than most people our age. They're in a new place, with new people, and they haven't found people who care enough to love them.

Without love, life is not much fun to live. It's kind of a drag to look around a room full of people and think "Wow, no one in here cares enough about me to even say hi."

Why?

Because someone else did it for me, and in so doing pointed to the One who loves more than we can ever imagine.

That's why.