Oh how I'll be glad to turn twenty. Perhaps my teen-aged "no one understands me/ what I'm going through" angst will magically disappear. (We can hope, right?)
~For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Heb. 4:15)
~And that same high priest knows what we're going through, and (whether or not we know it) puts people around us who are experiencing the exact same thing.
"There's no one I can talk to, because no one is going through a similar situation." = so very not true.
It's comforting to know I'm not the only one.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
From my into to religion class notes....
Symbols- are the way we experience the sacred...Bring together opposites -> 'Lamb of God' Jesus does not say "ba ba ba"
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Crazy faith
You're not asking if I love this man
I know you don't, you don't believe you can
Yet I've seen love open like a dancer's fan
It's crazy I know,
But my faith says so:
It tells me.
I know you don't, you don't believe you can
Yet I've seen love open like a dancer's fan
It's crazy I know,
But my faith says so:
It tells me.
Friday, September 12, 2008
There are certain things that should just not be fooled around with.
Spirits, ghosts, demons, and demonic possession are some of those things.
It's very strange. For whatever reason a handful of people on my floor are really into that kind of stuff. (They won't drink or do drugs, but they'll go to graveyards seeking out spirits and demons....???)
A handful of them have been (supposedly) possessed. Here on campus and when they're out visiting graveyards. I've never seen it, but they say so.
They've performed exorcisms too. Apparently all you need is a Bible, a cross, and some "holy water". I didn't ask what they counted as holy water, or how the water became holy....again it's just what I've heard.
A cry for attention? The blind leading the blind? Something to kill time? For laughs? Or is it real?
A part of me wants to know. Wants to go on one of their little outings just to show them how lame they're (probably) being.
Having taken various psyc classes, I'm even more skeptical. There's a whole list of fallacies in "believing" in ghosts, and a longer list of *why* people do.
-Power of suggestion
-Expectation influences outcome
-Coincidence
-Mob mentality
-Needing attention.....etc etc
And a large part of me is skeptical. Because I know that when there were witch hunts in the days of yore, that they came and went in waves. There wouldn't be any talk of witches for years, and then ONE case would come up and everyone and their mom was a witch (ie, Salem, MA). Then after awhile it died out for a few years.
On the other hand, that sort of thing does exist. Jesus performed exorcisms. People can really have demons.
And if this is *actual* demonic possession, 1. I don't know why they're seeking it out and 2. I don't want any parts of it.
It's very strange. For whatever reason a handful of people on my floor are really into that kind of stuff. (They won't drink or do drugs, but they'll go to graveyards seeking out spirits and demons....???)
A handful of them have been (supposedly) possessed. Here on campus and when they're out visiting graveyards. I've never seen it, but they say so.
They've performed exorcisms too. Apparently all you need is a Bible, a cross, and some "holy water". I didn't ask what they counted as holy water, or how the water became holy....again it's just what I've heard.
A cry for attention? The blind leading the blind? Something to kill time? For laughs? Or is it real?
A part of me wants to know. Wants to go on one of their little outings just to show them how lame they're (probably) being.
Having taken various psyc classes, I'm even more skeptical. There's a whole list of fallacies in "believing" in ghosts, and a longer list of *why* people do.
-Power of suggestion
-Expectation influences outcome
-Coincidence
-Mob mentality
-Needing attention.....etc etc
And a large part of me is skeptical. Because I know that when there were witch hunts in the days of yore, that they came and went in waves. There wouldn't be any talk of witches for years, and then ONE case would come up and everyone and their mom was a witch (ie, Salem, MA). Then after awhile it died out for a few years.
On the other hand, that sort of thing does exist. Jesus performed exorcisms. People can really have demons.
And if this is *actual* demonic possession, 1. I don't know why they're seeking it out and 2. I don't want any parts of it.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Sometimes I just need my space
I need to be by myself. I need to not hear the rest of the outside world. I need to play my music. I need to space out. I need to not think. I need to not worry about everything in the world.
That's not easy in college.
That's not easy in college.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Not a big deal
"Nothing happened. Well....not nothing. But not....well you know what I mean" -Bob
"Well. Not really... Okay so to be tremendously blunt, so that I see what you're saying... you made out with her but didn't sleep with her?" -Me
"Yeh. Pretty much. So it's not a big deal." -Bob (who, you may have guessed, isn't actually Bob. his name's not important for this.)
It's.
No.
Big.
Deal.
It's no big deal??
------
I remember when 'sleepovers' were a bunch of girls getting together on someone's birthday. You ate tons of food, talked a lot, and watched movies.
Such is not the way of things anymore. People frequently don't return to their own rooms on a nightly basis. But that doesn't mean they're sleeping on the floor in another building. Or that they've stayed up all night talking.
But its no big deal.
------
My girlfriend is somewhere else entirely, so I can take advantage of this girl who's naive enough to think that I'm just in this for friendship. And I'm going to see if I can have this girl here, and my girlfriend at the same time. The girlfriend doesn't need to know about this girl. I can pull it off.
It's no big deal.
-Jim
------
Him- I have a close friend. She's pretty nice, and we get along pretty well. We got to the same church, have a lot of similar interests.
Her- But he won't date me. He says I'm "crazy" just b/c I have ADD and depression.
Him- Yeh, it's no big deal.
------
Yes, the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong. But its not in the red letters. So it's not a big deal.
------
I can't even comment on these, I'm so frustrated. I had to just get them out of my head before I got too upset.
It is a big deal.
Lord, please help them to see that. Help your children to show them that.
"Well. Not really... Okay so to be tremendously blunt, so that I see what you're saying... you made out with her but didn't sleep with her?" -Me
"Yeh. Pretty much. So it's not a big deal." -Bob (who, you may have guessed, isn't actually Bob. his name's not important for this.)
It's.
No.
Big.
Deal.
It's no big deal??
------
I remember when 'sleepovers' were a bunch of girls getting together on someone's birthday. You ate tons of food, talked a lot, and watched movies.
Such is not the way of things anymore. People frequently don't return to their own rooms on a nightly basis. But that doesn't mean they're sleeping on the floor in another building. Or that they've stayed up all night talking.
But its no big deal.
------
My girlfriend is somewhere else entirely, so I can take advantage of this girl who's naive enough to think that I'm just in this for friendship. And I'm going to see if I can have this girl here, and my girlfriend at the same time. The girlfriend doesn't need to know about this girl. I can pull it off.
It's no big deal.
-Jim
------
Him- I have a close friend. She's pretty nice, and we get along pretty well. We got to the same church, have a lot of similar interests.
Her- But he won't date me. He says I'm "crazy" just b/c I have ADD and depression.
Him- Yeh, it's no big deal.
------
Yes, the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong. But its not in the red letters. So it's not a big deal.
------
I can't even comment on these, I'm so frustrated. I had to just get them out of my head before I got too upset.
It is a big deal.
Lord, please help them to see that. Help your children to show them that.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Things of today...
Today I lost the last tiny bit of respect that I might have had for Emily Dickinson. This poem is part of a song we're singing in choir, and once I got past the trippy wording, I realized what it said...hence ruining her for good in my mind.
Gah! This kind of theology is so upsetting. I mean it's right there in Hebrews!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had an interesting announcement in choir tonight. CAS (the creative arts society) was have a free pizza and condoms night. Yes, and it's everything that it's name would indicate. They give you free pizza as a draw (though it's hardly necessary...which is the lamentable bit) and they have someone [presumably...i never went, but know people who have] talk about safe sex and the like and then pass around a bag of assorted condoms and you take as many as you like.
I just breaks my heart, quite honestly. To think that one of the most precious things God gave us....and that He said was "very good".....is being so terribly abused.
Sex is for marriage! And for nothing else. You know what it is outside of marriage? Fornication. Once again. Pick up a Bible- it's in almost every single list of sins that are made.
Gah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a happier note- God is awesome. And turns little-to-no practice time into worship that praises Him mightily. 'Tis good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I learned something very interesting in pscy class today: so....basic psyc 101 lecture- there are pleasure centers in your brain, to which a molecule called dopamine binds when you experience something enjoyable. (There's a reason why "dope" is derived from dopamine. When you smoke it, it creates more of this molecule which binds to the pleasure centers making you happy/ high.)
People who are easily addicted to things (drugs, alcohol, and most anything you can get addicted to) have more pleasure centers in their brains than the "average" person. So when they ________ (fill in the blank...say, have a drink) they enjoy it more than a "normal" person would. The dopamine has more places to bind to, and you feel happier.
So if you've been addicted to something in the past, you're predisposed to becoming addicted to something else (or the same thing) again.
It's just a matter of psychology.
And we wouldn't be able to overcome any such obstacles without His love, mercy and grace.
It's just the Truth.
Gah! This kind of theology is so upsetting. I mean it's right there in Hebrews!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had an interesting announcement in choir tonight. CAS (the creative arts society) was have a free pizza and condoms night. Yes, and it's everything that it's name would indicate. They give you free pizza as a draw (though it's hardly necessary...which is the lamentable bit) and they have someone [presumably...i never went, but know people who have] talk about safe sex and the like and then pass around a bag of assorted condoms and you take as many as you like.
I just breaks my heart, quite honestly. To think that one of the most precious things God gave us....and that He said was "very good".....is being so terribly abused.
Sex is for marriage! And for nothing else. You know what it is outside of marriage? Fornication. Once again. Pick up a Bible- it's in almost every single list of sins that are made.
Gah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a happier note- God is awesome. And turns little-to-no practice time into worship that praises Him mightily. 'Tis good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I learned something very interesting in pscy class today: so....basic psyc 101 lecture- there are pleasure centers in your brain, to which a molecule called dopamine binds when you experience something enjoyable. (There's a reason why "dope" is derived from dopamine. When you smoke it, it creates more of this molecule which binds to the pleasure centers making you happy/ high.)
People who are easily addicted to things (drugs, alcohol, and most anything you can get addicted to) have more pleasure centers in their brains than the "average" person. So when they ________ (fill in the blank...say, have a drink) they enjoy it more than a "normal" person would. The dopamine has more places to bind to, and you feel happier.
So if you've been addicted to something in the past, you're predisposed to becoming addicted to something else (or the same thing) again.
It's just a matter of psychology.
And we wouldn't be able to overcome any such obstacles without His love, mercy and grace.
It's just the Truth.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Why?
Why do I spend so much energy in mixing with the freshmen? Why do I break my shell of introversion and start a conversation when I'd just as soon sit in silence? Why bother? Why try?
Because I was first loved by Someone who didn't have to do what He did for me.
Christ didn't have to die on the cross to bring us closer to God. God didn't have to send Him to do so. But He did. And in so doing showed us love.
And sometimes freshmen, I think, know what it means to be unloved more than most people our age. They're in a new place, with new people, and they haven't found people who care enough to love them.
Without love, life is not much fun to live. It's kind of a drag to look around a room full of people and think "Wow, no one in here cares enough about me to even say hi."
Why?
Because someone else did it for me, and in so doing pointed to the One who loves more than we can ever imagine.
That's why.
Because I was first loved by Someone who didn't have to do what He did for me.
Christ didn't have to die on the cross to bring us closer to God. God didn't have to send Him to do so. But He did. And in so doing showed us love.
And sometimes freshmen, I think, know what it means to be unloved more than most people our age. They're in a new place, with new people, and they haven't found people who care enough to love them.
Without love, life is not much fun to live. It's kind of a drag to look around a room full of people and think "Wow, no one in here cares enough about me to even say hi."
Why?
Because someone else did it for me, and in so doing pointed to the One who loves more than we can ever imagine.
That's why.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Days like this
Days like this make me glad I have a lofted bed- otherwise I would have crawled into it by now and gone back to sleep. But I don't feel like exerting the effort to do so.
Days like this it doesn't help that it's dreary outside. Perhaps if it weren't I'd be a little less dreary myself.
Days like this, I'd go hungry if I didn't have food in my room. Again, too much effort to go anywhere to eat.
Days like this I'm glad my roommate has class. So I can sit here doing nothing. Knowing I have a hundred things to do, but not having the energy or ambition to do any of them...
Days like this it doesn't help that it's dreary outside. Perhaps if it weren't I'd be a little less dreary myself.
Days like this, I'd go hungry if I didn't have food in my room. Again, too much effort to go anywhere to eat.
Days like this I'm glad my roommate has class. So I can sit here doing nothing. Knowing I have a hundred things to do, but not having the energy or ambition to do any of them...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Free at last, free at last
I don't know how I got thru 19 years of life without listening to Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech.
If you have too, listen to it. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of its delivery date.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk
It's one of the most powerful things I've ever heard. Truly amazing.
If you have too, listen to it. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of its delivery date.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk
It's one of the most powerful things I've ever heard. Truly amazing.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Torn
I've yet to find the line between helping and enabling. They say it's where your helping the person changes from helping them to hurting them, but that's not an easy line to draw. I want to help. But I don't want to intrude. I want to make it better. But I don't want to be a crutch for you. I don't want you to forget how to walk.
We'll let it go for the night. Prayer is good.
We'll let it go for the night. Prayer is good.
Friday, August 22, 2008
A lament
I had a disturbing conversation with a friend today. He was talking about his ex-girlfriend, and how things had been since the two of them broke up at the end of last semester.
The conversation, in paraphrase:
Yeh, after we broke up she started dating another guy. And after 3 months of dating him she says she loves him just as much as she loved me before. Which tells me one thing: she never really loved me as much as she thought she did. And the thing is, she said she's breaking up with him before she comes back to school because she doesn't think she'll be able to stay faithful to him...
What?!?!
again, i say
WHAT?!?!!??!?!?
Does the word "love" mean nothing these days? I mean honestly! How can you say that you love someone, but not enough to be faithful to them? Isn't that contrary to what it means to love someone??
*sigh*
Oh college. Here I am. Back for another fun-filled year. By God's grace, I'm getting to see this friend that I was talking to make some serious changes in his life. Turning towards God after years of being an atheist.
I pray that God continues to make such changes in people. That more may come to know Him every day.
The conversation, in paraphrase:
Yeh, after we broke up she started dating another guy. And after 3 months of dating him she says she loves him just as much as she loved me before. Which tells me one thing: she never really loved me as much as she thought she did. And the thing is, she said she's breaking up with him before she comes back to school because she doesn't think she'll be able to stay faithful to him...
What?!?!
again, i say
WHAT?!?!!??!?!?
Does the word "love" mean nothing these days? I mean honestly! How can you say that you love someone, but not enough to be faithful to them? Isn't that contrary to what it means to love someone??
*sigh*
Oh college. Here I am. Back for another fun-filled year. By God's grace, I'm getting to see this friend that I was talking to make some serious changes in his life. Turning towards God after years of being an atheist.
I pray that God continues to make such changes in people. That more may come to know Him every day.
Musings of a miscellaneous nature
~Yay for coming to college completely exhausted. I slept so well last night its not even funny. And as I rule I don't sleep well in new places for a few days until I'm acclimated.
~I'm liking my dorm room. It's pretty swell. Kinda the perfect size too; although movable furniture would be really nice.
~It's my second day here, and I went for my first run today. I like that. I missed running. I've always maintained that it's like a shower for your insides- afterwards you feel so clean!
~Hands down I'm an introvert. So why is it that most of the time when I'm in a group I'm the outgoing one?
~I love having an introverted roommate. It makes life so much easier, and my room so much more relaxing.
~God is good. It's going to be a great year. I can feel it!
~I'm liking my dorm room. It's pretty swell. Kinda the perfect size too; although movable furniture would be really nice.
~It's my second day here, and I went for my first run today. I like that. I missed running. I've always maintained that it's like a shower for your insides- afterwards you feel so clean!
~Hands down I'm an introvert. So why is it that most of the time when I'm in a group I'm the outgoing one?
~I love having an introverted roommate. It makes life so much easier, and my room so much more relaxing.
~God is good. It's going to be a great year. I can feel it!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Goodbye, goodbye. Parting is such sweet sorrow...
It just caught up to me. I just sat down and thought about it, and realized that this summer completely flew. Not just in the sense that all summers go fast.
No. This one whizzed by at lightning speed.
All good things do I suppose. We were looking at those English books today (I'll tell you what was up with that if you like...) and I couldn't help but think that was the longest summer ever. Because it was (not completely...but mostly) awful.
It seems like I just got a job at Ruby's yesterday. Though my bank account would say differently.
It seems like we just had our first lotr meetings last week. But we've got a movie to prove otherwise.
It seems like May was not long ago, and yet...
It's good. I'm excited to go back to school. Ready? Maybe not. But I'm excited!
Here I go again...but not alone.
No. This one whizzed by at lightning speed.
All good things do I suppose. We were looking at those English books today (I'll tell you what was up with that if you like...) and I couldn't help but think that was the longest summer ever. Because it was (not completely...but mostly) awful.
It seems like I just got a job at Ruby's yesterday. Though my bank account would say differently.
It seems like we just had our first lotr meetings last week. But we've got a movie to prove otherwise.
It seems like May was not long ago, and yet...
It's good. I'm excited to go back to school. Ready? Maybe not. But I'm excited!
Here I go again...but not alone.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Pre-game
Going through my notes on Biblical manhood and womanhood before talking to Pastor Sigrid, I came across a great quote that Piper used:
“In my view, America’s greatest need is for husbands to begin guiding their families rather than pouring every physical and emotional resource into the mere acquisition of money.”
~James Dobson
“In my view, America’s greatest need is for husbands to begin guiding their families rather than pouring every physical and emotional resource into the mere acquisition of money.”
~James Dobson
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Political parties
I've decided to switch my party registration. Not that it matters for the upcoming election, but I'm doing it anyway. I've come to realize that it's possible to be a conservative with several liberal tendencies, and absolutely impossible to be a liberal with a lot of conservative ideals.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Hey dol merry dol ring a ding dillo
I'm excited to go back to school. I'm glad that I can finally say that. Glad that I've put my trust in God and put my fears aside. Glad that I've accepted that whatever will happen will happen, and that He has control over it, not me.
Packing today got me psyched. (Although it could have just been the room-cleaning aspect....)
I'm ready to move back in. Ready to re-start dorm life. Ready to live in smaller quarters, with fewer things. Ready to live on a floor, with roommates.
And yet...
I wish that were do-able without leaving my friends. I wish I could mesh the two. Wish that I could say with certainty that I'd see them all before Christmas break.
I mean, honestly. You can't find people this cool anywhere else!
Packing today got me psyched. (Although it could have just been the room-cleaning aspect....)
I'm ready to move back in. Ready to re-start dorm life. Ready to live in smaller quarters, with fewer things. Ready to live on a floor, with roommates.
And yet...
I wish that were do-able without leaving my friends. I wish I could mesh the two. Wish that I could say with certainty that I'd see them all before Christmas break.
I mean, honestly. You can't find people this cool anywhere else!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Family Ties
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives.
And while they are the people who've raised you, they're not perfect.
And then you have yourself in a quandary of sorts: loving them as they are, but praying you don't grow up to be the same. Or marry someone who grows up to be the same.
And while they are the people who've raised you, they're not perfect.
And then you have yourself in a quandary of sorts: loving them as they are, but praying you don't grow up to be the same. Or marry someone who grows up to be the same.
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