Wow

That's all I can say to this quote.

Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist.
~Rita Mae Brown

Double standards

I just realized something:

My exegesis paper is supporting male headship in a marriage relationship: a concept with which my professor disagrees.

But I'll be able to get away with it, so long as it's detailed, and I refute the counter-arguments.

Would she be so lenient on a guy in our class doing the same paper?

Praise God for penny-pinching

I feel like I'm writing for love God, not money, but I was just so excited about my food buying that I had to share.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving for 4Fs (our United Campus Ministry's weekly gathering), and I'm in charge of snackage.

Since it's Thanksgiving, I was told to make sure it was good.

Our normal budget for food is $15. I was told I could go a little over if needed, but it'd be better not to push the budget too far this early in the year.

I bought the following:
3 Liters of Coke- $3.92
2 Boxes of Giant brand vanilla wafers- $3
2 Frozen Pumpkin Pies (each will feed 8-12 people)- $5.98
2 Containers of Cool Whip- $2

Total w/ tax(for those of you who don't like math either)- $15.14

Amount of money saved (b/c of a Giant bonuscard, and buying just the right things)- $6.31

Yay!

A fine line?

I have trouble deciding what the government should do concerning highly moral issues. The big one right now (w/ Prop 8 being such a headliner) is gay marriage/unions/whatever.

I know where I stand on it. I stand where the Bible stands on it. Homosexuality is a sin.

And as a Christian, I can't condone homosexuality in any form, let alone making it an establishment.

But as an American, there's part of me that wonders about the separation of church and state. Should our religious values really be getting tied up in our political decisions?

Can you make political decisions using a values system that isn't religiously derived?

On one end, I'm horribly opposed to the government sanctioning gay marriage, because it's a sin.

And on the other end, I'm more or less indifferent: because is that the role of the government to say who can marry whom?

Calvin and Hobbes

Since I'm in the middle of fighting off a cold/ sinus infection/ whatever it is, I found these quite appropriate and amusing.

Enjoy!

You know what's disturbing?

The fact that you can't even look at a sermon on youtube without being inundated by smut. Mars Hill Church is currently doing a series on Song of Solomon, which I applaud them for. It's in the Bible, it needs being taught, and it takes guts to do so.

With the book itself being (shall we say?)controversial in a lot of churches, it's not surprising that they would have a segment entitled: "Why preach a book about sex?" (Which if you want to watch go here- their website- and not youtube.)

Which brings me to the source of my writing. I see this video in my subscriptions. I click on it, knowing that it's perfectly legit and everything. And because there's the word "sex" in the title all of the side bar suggested viewing videos are...bad. Very bad. Pornographic is not too strong of a word in this case.

I'm beyond words. But it's frustrating. Sites like youtube are such a good place for people to plug in to get sermons and such. And yet they're so filled with sketch that you're bound to run into it sooner or later.

And they'll know that we're Christians by our tips

As someone who's waited tables for an entire summer, I can testify to how crummy serving can be some nights. Generally it was great, and I had fun, but some nights it was super terrible. And what's even worse it when you totally get shafted (<10%) on a tip, when you worked your butt off, kept their glasses filled, cleared away their dishes, and were really nice to them.

We went out to Olive Garden tonight (Amy's favorite, I know). I was 7 of us, so we were a bigger table than your standard 4 top. We had 2 waitresses, and they worked super hard to do well by us. And they did! I was impressed! That takes skill and they pulled it off (on top of a full dining room.)

Now, we may be college students. And we may not have much money. But waitresses make $2.83 an hour. They live off of tips. How do we dare to go somewhere nice, demand excellent service and then tip them hardly anything?

That's terrible! And people say, "Well, if they're making 2.83 an hour, and they turn over 3 tables an hour, and each gives them a $2 tip, then they're making minimum wage...."

Yes, yes they are.

And if you want minimum wage service, I suggest you go to a fast food restaurant. Where they hand you your food and an empty cup and you take it and deal with it yourself.

But if you're going to a restaurant, you should be willing to pay a bit more than minimum wage. Yes, you're paying for your food too, but that money doesn't go to your waitress. It goes to the buying of products, the chain, the managers, the cooks, the utilities, the liquor license.... They hardly see any of that.

And as Christians we're no different. People don't understand the volumes that their tips speak about them.

If we were just to tip well, and leave a little note: "Thanks, and God bless!" Think of what that could do. What does that show to a non-believing waitress/waiter?

I got 3 notes on my checks all summer. One was my first table I waited on, and he saw I was really nervous. One was a super nice couple who practically tipped me 75%. And the other was when Gabby and Brent visited.

Even the smallest gestures make a BIG impression in the middle of a hectic shift.

Why don't we take advantage of it?

The Sabbath

is a day a rest.

A day of resting from our normal work
and
A day of resting in Jesus.

Sleeping all day long doesn't count as keeping the Sabbath. Not doing homework doesn't count as keeping the Sabbath. Sitting in front of the tv doesn't count as keeping the Sabbath.

You've got to be resting in Him, as well as resting from your normal labors.

I'm only one person

And one person can't have good solid deep conversations with 30 people. It just doesn't work like that. I want people to know that I'm there for them. But I can't be there for everyone.

It just doesn't work.

Schizophrenia

If I had to pick one mental disorder that would most likely be caused by demonic possession, it'd have to be schizophrenia. (Which I can now spell without needing spell check!)

But seriously, this is an evil disorder. Most people confuse it with Dissociative Personality Disorder (AKA Multiple Personality Disorder), but they're nothing alike. Schizophrenia literally means "a splitting from reality." Which is sadly and horrifyingly true.

We've spent about 2 weeks on it in class so far. But all the lecture in the world couldn't prepare me for some virtual simulation videos that I found online.

The first isn't bad. It's just really kinda weird. (You only have to watch to 2:30 ish). The second man to go through the simulation is a schizophrenic who with the help of medication has not been suffering these delusions. But you can tell from his reaction that the simulation is pretty much dead on with what he's seen.

The second I ask that you *please* don't watch if you're having a bad day. Or just thinking negatively at present about yourself/your life. Because it will NOT help in the slightest. This simulation is a little more realistic, and shows some of the distortion that schizophrenics deal with (changing normal things to scary/ self-deprecating things...the posters, the TV, the painting) as well as the barrage of negative thoughts.

Horrifying. And there's no good treatment for it. We have medications, but they've got horrendous side effects (Parkinson's-like symptoms, constant facial twitching, depression...). The new meds are better but are horrible for your health. Did you notice the size of the man in the first movie? The one who was schizophrenic? I can almost guarantee you that he wasn't that large before the meds. They're known to cause you to gain weight at ridiculous rates: 50-100 lbs in a year...with normal eating. Which leads to diabetes, hypertension, heart attacks...

And the scary thing is that it doesn't set in some years after puberty. Early 20s for men, late 20s for women. You're just cruising right along living a nice life. You're normally pretty smart, you get good grades, and then you just fall off the world.

If this isn't demonic possession....at least in some cases....then I don't know what is.

Obama

But we do have to recognize the leaps and bounds our country has grown by that we could elect an African American president.

You have to admit, that's pretty cool.

Sorry, baby

Your next president doesn't think you're a human being yet.

Trust

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Stephen King

I'm apparently becoming a bit of a connoisseur (crazy French spelling...) of film adaptations* of Stephen King's books and short stories.

The Langoliers
The Shawshank Redemption
Secret Window
Misery
1408
Sometimes They Come Back, which i just saw tonight.

He's talented. There's no question there.

But I don't really like his endings. He builds up to them so well, and then...bleh. I know the 'most important part is the ending' (Secret Window...the ending for which was indeed 'perfect') and that it's probably the hardest to write. But still.

And then I realized it- the ones with resolved endings aren't the ones that spook you. It's the vague ones that creep you out the most.

This movie also = great reason for why you shouldn't mess around with spirits and ghosts and crap. Not that the main character was...but still. Just saying.

rating- one thumb up, and one sideways.

*normally I fight vehemently against those who see the movies but have never touched the books. I consider these to be an exception because movies are over and done with in an hour or so (making them less creepy), and you can watch them with other people...so you're not so freaked out. And you can just close your eyes if you don't want to see something.

It literally scares the hell out of me

"First, the online response has been shocking and we are grateful for all our Internet friends who have tripled traffic to the Mars Hill Church website (www.marshillchurch.org) and also pushed our iTunes podcast as high as #4 under Religion and Spirituality, just behind Oprah, Joel Osteen, and the LDS national conference."

Woah. Dang.

It takes MHC to do a series on sex to come in BEHIND Oprah, Joel Osteen, and the Mormons???

Are you freaking serious?

As Driscoll would say: that's just fresh toilet water.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory— even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles?" Romans 9:20-24

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Tim 3:16

Desks

They say that a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind.

For me, a cluttered desk= a cluttered life. It's rare that my desk-space isn't clear, and when it isn't it's because life is so stressful that I don't have time to keep it organized.

Perhaps it works in the reverse too: if I organize my desk, then maybe my life will become less stressful.

2 words

Psychomotor retardation.

Halloween

is just an excuse for girls to dress up in what they could never get away with any other time in October.

God is good.

God is good.

Hell is bad.

God is omnipotent.

God can do whatever He wants.

God is good.

People go to hell.

Jesus died so we wouldn't.

But people still do.

God is good.

Jesus' death could have covered it all.

But people still go to hell.

God....is.....good....

I know it's Biblical, but i just can't reconcile it in my brain.

Why yes...(part 2)

I spent almost all of the daylight hours on the computer with Jesus and my boyfriend, listening to sermons and talking.

Doesn't everyone?

Why yes...

...I DO listen to sermons, do my dishes, and clean my room to relax on a Friday night.

Doesn't everyone?

Divided Monarchy

There were kings in both Judah and Israel named Jehoram and Ahaziah.

And practically every other king's name started with J or A.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

It's too late for this silliness.

Optimism?

Well, I wasn't going to get much sleep tonight anyway, b/c of my exam. So this isn't making it much worse than it was going to be in the first place....

A comparison

Shakespeare: grocery store romance novels :: LOTR: Harry Potter

Sorry kids. HP was interesting and all, but Tolkien just plain owns.

Nada te turbe

Simply beautiful. And so much better in Spanish. But it's no good if you don't understand it...

Nada te turbe,
nada te espante,
todo se pasa;
Dios no se muda.
La paciencia
todo lo alcanza;
Quien a Dios tiene,
nada le falta;
Solo Dios basta.
~Santa Teresa


Translation...
Let nothing disturb you,
nothing surprise you,
all things pass;
God does not change.
Patience
it wins everything;
whoever holds onto God
lacks nothing;
God alone is enough.

Course Selection

Class listing:
REL-337W-A: Biblical Topics: Mark and Thomas.

Swell!

Until I looked at the course description: "By comparing and contrasting these two Gospels...." (emphasis mine)

Not so swell.

On Chronicles (and most of the OT)

I wonder why God, knowing from the start that He was going to reveal Himself to His people in one book (or 66...), decided to fill up so much of the Old Testament with genealogies, tribal/ military/ musician divisions, and very precise details (ie. the dimensions of Noah's ark, the ark, Solomon's temple....).

"I can't wait"

While I find myself using this phrase a good deal when associated with feelings of excitement, it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

"I'm excited" makes sense.

But "I can't wait" ?

What do you mean you can't wait? As in you're not going to make it until what you're waiting for comes? You're going to die of anticipation? Not likely.

It's a phrase I'm trying to weed out of my brain. Because I *can* wait, by God's grace. That doesn't mean it's *easy* to wait. But I can.

And for some things, I'll wait for as long as I have to...

Grace is

seeing a 98 on the back page of the exam you thought you bombed.

Old Testament Therapy

Depression isn't a new thing, by any means. And how did God treat it?

Sleep, food, sleep, food.

It's Biblical!

Slowly but surely

In a Christian setting, no one will ever refuse the use of a Bible verse. Whether or not they like the idea of using one.

"Hey, do you want me to get a verse for that?"

I can almost promise that you'll never hear: "No, that's okay. We don't really need a Bible verse."

They'll agree to it whether it was in their plans or not.

Arm-twisting? Perhaps just a bit. But I don't have a problem twisting arms for the Word.

Old Testament Exegesis Project

Is it just me, or is there something (or everything!) fundamentally wrong about making a thesis about a Biblical text, and then finding the resources to back your thesis?

Shouldn't the thesis be one of the last things? Shouldn't you be examining it in depth and from all sorts of angles before you make a thesis?

Far too many un-Biblical things can be Biblically defended if you take the former approach.

Dems and Reps

Republicans are apparently a really crappy thing from an economic standpoint. We're bad for unemployment rates, tax rates, economic trends and all sorts of other stuff.

Democrats on the flip side: decrease the unemployment rate, raise taxes for those who can afford to pay them, and lower them for those who can't, and just generally are better for the economy. Oh yeh. They're better at balancing the budget too.

http://www.stefanhayden.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/obama_mccain_taxcut.gif (McCain vs. Obama tax proposals)

It bothers me that McCain isn't increasing taxes on those who can actually afford it. That he's not making the wealthier shoulder more of the burden. (To whom much is given, much is expected. - Luke 12:48)

But at least he doesn't want to kill babies.

Biblical character

So, reading thru the OT, you meet a lot of people. A LOT of people. (I kind of wish my Bible had a Silmarillion-style index in the back so I could keep people straight.)

And having a zillion years of English lit classes, and now Spanish lit classes, I find myself asking all the time: Who's the protagonist? Who's the good guy in this story? And quite frankly it's hard to find a good guy. You have Saul, who starts out pretty good, but then goes all mad-crazy and tries to kill David a zillion times. David seems like a good guy, except for his...erm...womanizing, shall we say? His son, Amnon is a pretty straight-forward bad guy: we don't know much other than he rapes his sister. And then there's Absalom (which is an awesome name), who loves his sister and takes care of her, and avenges her...by killing his brother. And then he repents, but then he tries to overthrow his dad's kingdom!

Which makes one ask: Who's the good guy? Is there a good guy?? Even the good guys have a lot of bad in them.

It's the perfect question, that even the youngest child can answer. And it applies as much today as it did then. None of us are doing any better than Saul or David or any of them.

Who's the good guy?

Jesus.

A good rule of thumb:

Don't tick off your pharmacist.

"Yeh, I know what about 3/4 of this campus is on...But I won't/ can't say what."

They're powerful, knowledgeable people.

Don't waste your life

My new questions, that I have to ask myself sometimes dozens of times a day:

Am I using my time how God wants me to? Am I glorifying Him in this action? Is this a good use of the gift of time He's given me?

Old habits die hard

I'm trying to stop cracking my knuckles. It's not easy.

Living on love

Sometimes sleep needs to be sacrificed. Sometimes you have to sleep thru your first class and have your Spanish prof ask if you're okay because you can't keep your eyes open in class. Sometimes you just have to buy that cup of coffee. Sometimes you have to sacrifice sleep for more important things.

And it's always worth it. <3

Additionally...

I'm so angry I literally can't think straight right now. I'm getting a massive headache just thinking about it. If my ankle weren't such a butt I'd probably go running right about now...

Just when you think it can't get worse...

From Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church, Seattle:

"The big issue I’m dealing with now is the Hump Fest coming up next month. It’s the amateur porn festival. Everyone gets together in a theater and votes on which porn is the best. To make it in the festival, you need to have something in the film that shows that the film was made for this festival. This year, that’s me. People are trying to have sex around our church and in the bathrooms."

Yeh. Like terrorists hold up daily newspapers to show the authenticity of a video, apparently for this there's a different trademark of sorts that you have to have. And this year it's Mars Hill.

How much more depraved can we be?!? Isn't it bad enough to have any such "festival"??? Isn't that enough sin? That people get together and vote on what smut is the smuttiest???

Apparently not. Apparently, they can't just use their freedom of assembly to watch porn. They have to attack the Church. Christ's bride. *

It's an interesting point too: in this day of so much youtube, these videos will now be mixed in with regular MHC video. So people who are already struggling enough, who get on youtube to listen to sermon clips (imagine!) will be inundated by porn videos.

How evil can you get?

Prayers for Mars Hill. I can only imagine how difficult it is/will be for them.

*John Piper (rough quote): 'Can you imagine the mountains of wrath that are being stored up against such atrocities?' from somewhere in Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

a strange change

It's been awhile since I have legitimately (ie, not because of caffeine or too many naps) not been able to fall asleep. Until last night, apparently. I must have laid awake for 2+ hours. For no reason I could put my finger on: except having too much on my mind and being generally kinda stressed out.

It wouldn't have been so terrible if I didn't have nightmares on top of that. All of them (not surprisingly) dealing with time crunches and the like.

And when you don't sleep well, you're not rested. And when you're not rested you don't wake up. And on Sunday that means you miss church. Darn.

The best defense of being pro-life I've ever heard

Never say never

Oh how I'll be glad to turn twenty. Perhaps my teen-aged "no one understands me/ what I'm going through" angst will magically disappear. (We can hope, right?)

~For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Heb. 4:15)

~And that same high priest knows what we're going through, and (whether or not we know it) puts people around us who are experiencing the exact same thing.

"There's no one I can talk to, because no one is going through a similar situation." = so very not true.

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one.

From my into to religion class notes....

Symbols- are the way we experience the sacred...Bring together opposites -> 'Lamb of God' Jesus does not say "ba ba ba"

Crazy faith

You're not asking if I love this man
I know you don't, you don't believe you can
Yet I've seen love open like a dancer's fan
It's crazy I know,
But my faith says so:
It tells me.

There are certain things that should just not be fooled around with.

Spirits, ghosts, demons, and demonic possession are some of those things.

It's very strange. For whatever reason a handful of people on my floor are really into that kind of stuff. (They won't drink or do drugs, but they'll go to graveyards seeking out spirits and demons....???)

A handful of them have been (supposedly) possessed. Here on campus and when they're out visiting graveyards. I've never seen it, but they say so.

They've performed exorcisms too. Apparently all you need is a Bible, a cross, and some "holy water". I didn't ask what they counted as holy water, or how the water became holy....again it's just what I've heard.

A cry for attention? The blind leading the blind? Something to kill time? For laughs? Or is it real?

A part of me wants to know. Wants to go on one of their little outings just to show them how lame they're (probably) being.

Having taken various psyc classes, I'm even more skeptical. There's a whole list of fallacies in "believing" in ghosts, and a longer list of *why* people do.
-Power of suggestion
-Expectation influences outcome
-Coincidence
-Mob mentality
-Needing attention.....etc etc

And a large part of me is skeptical. Because I know that when there were witch hunts in the days of yore, that they came and went in waves. There wouldn't be any talk of witches for years, and then ONE case would come up and everyone and their mom was a witch (ie, Salem, MA). Then after awhile it died out for a few years.

On the other hand, that sort of thing does exist. Jesus performed exorcisms. People can really have demons.

And if this is *actual* demonic possession, 1. I don't know why they're seeking it out and 2. I don't want any parts of it.

Sometimes I just need my space

I need to be by myself. I need to not hear the rest of the outside world. I need to play my music. I need to space out. I need to not think. I need to not worry about everything in the world.

That's not easy in college.

Not a big deal

"Nothing happened. Well....not nothing. But not....well you know what I mean" -Bob

"Well. Not really... Okay so to be tremendously blunt, so that I see what you're saying... you made out with her but didn't sleep with her?" -Me

"Yeh. Pretty much. So it's not a big deal." -Bob (who, you may have guessed, isn't actually Bob. his name's not important for this.)

It's.
No.
Big.
Deal.

It's no big deal??

------

I remember when 'sleepovers' were a bunch of girls getting together on someone's birthday. You ate tons of food, talked a lot, and watched movies.

Such is not the way of things anymore. People frequently don't return to their own rooms on a nightly basis. But that doesn't mean they're sleeping on the floor in another building. Or that they've stayed up all night talking.

But its no big deal.

------

My girlfriend is somewhere else entirely, so I can take advantage of this girl who's naive enough to think that I'm just in this for friendship. And I'm going to see if I can have this girl here, and my girlfriend at the same time. The girlfriend doesn't need to know about this girl. I can pull it off.

It's no big deal.

-Jim

------


Him- I have a close friend. She's pretty nice, and we get along pretty well. We got to the same church, have a lot of similar interests.

Her- But he won't date me. He says I'm "crazy" just b/c I have ADD and depression.

Him- Yeh, it's no big deal.

------

Yes, the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong. But its not in the red letters. So it's not a big deal.

------

I can't even comment on these, I'm so frustrated. I had to just get them out of my head before I got too upset.

It is a big deal.

Lord, please help them to see that. Help your children to show them that.

Things of today...

Today I lost the last tiny bit of respect that I might have had for Emily Dickinson. This poem is part of a song we're singing in choir, and once I got past the trippy wording, I realized what it said...hence ruining her for good in my mind.

Gah! This kind of theology is so upsetting. I mean it's right there in Hebrews!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had an interesting announcement in choir tonight. CAS (the creative arts society) was have a free pizza and condoms night. Yes, and it's everything that it's name would indicate. They give you free pizza as a draw (though it's hardly necessary...which is the lamentable bit) and they have someone [presumably...i never went, but know people who have] talk about safe sex and the like and then pass around a bag of assorted condoms and you take as many as you like.

I just breaks my heart, quite honestly. To think that one of the most precious things God gave us....and that He said was "very good".....is being so terribly abused.

Sex is for marriage! And for nothing else. You know what it is outside of marriage? Fornication. Once again. Pick up a Bible- it's in almost every single list of sins that are made.

Gah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a happier note- God is awesome. And turns little-to-no practice time into worship that praises Him mightily. 'Tis good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I learned something very interesting in pscy class today: so....basic psyc 101 lecture- there are pleasure centers in your brain, to which a molecule called dopamine binds when you experience something enjoyable. (There's a reason why "dope" is derived from dopamine. When you smoke it, it creates more of this molecule which binds to the pleasure centers making you happy/ high.)

People who are easily addicted to things (drugs, alcohol, and most anything you can get addicted to) have more pleasure centers in their brains than the "average" person. So when they ________ (fill in the blank...say, have a drink) they enjoy it more than a "normal" person would. The dopamine has more places to bind to, and you feel happier.

So if you've been addicted to something in the past, you're predisposed to becoming addicted to something else (or the same thing) again.

It's just a matter of psychology.

And we wouldn't be able to overcome any such obstacles without His love, mercy and grace.

It's just the Truth.

Why?

Why do I spend so much energy in mixing with the freshmen? Why do I break my shell of introversion and start a conversation when I'd just as soon sit in silence? Why bother? Why try?

Because I was first loved by Someone who didn't have to do what He did for me.

Christ didn't have to die on the cross to bring us closer to God. God didn't have to send Him to do so. But He did. And in so doing showed us love.

And sometimes freshmen, I think, know what it means to be unloved more than most people our age. They're in a new place, with new people, and they haven't found people who care enough to love them.

Without love, life is not much fun to live. It's kind of a drag to look around a room full of people and think "Wow, no one in here cares enough about me to even say hi."

Why?

Because someone else did it for me, and in so doing pointed to the One who loves more than we can ever imagine.

That's why.

I dare you to move

Such an excellent song. God is good

Days like this

Days like this make me glad I have a lofted bed- otherwise I would have crawled into it by now and gone back to sleep. But I don't feel like exerting the effort to do so.

Days like this it doesn't help that it's dreary outside. Perhaps if it weren't I'd be a little less dreary myself.

Days like this, I'd go hungry if I didn't have food in my room. Again, too much effort to go anywhere to eat.

Days like this I'm glad my roommate has class. So I can sit here doing nothing. Knowing I have a hundred things to do, but not having the energy or ambition to do any of them...

Free at last, free at last

I don't know how I got thru 19 years of life without listening to Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech.

If you have too, listen to it. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of its delivery date.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

It's one of the most powerful things I've ever heard. Truly amazing.

The Singing Butler

I love this painting.

Torn

I've yet to find the line between helping and enabling. They say it's where your helping the person changes from helping them to hurting them, but that's not an easy line to draw. I want to help. But I don't want to intrude. I want to make it better. But I don't want to be a crutch for you. I don't want you to forget how to walk.

We'll let it go for the night. Prayer is good.

A lament

I had a disturbing conversation with a friend today. He was talking about his ex-girlfriend, and how things had been since the two of them broke up at the end of last semester.

The conversation, in paraphrase:
Yeh, after we broke up she started dating another guy. And after 3 months of dating him she says she loves him just as much as she loved me before. Which tells me one thing: she never really loved me as much as she thought she did. And the thing is, she said she's breaking up with him before she comes back to school because she doesn't think she'll be able to stay faithful to him...

What?!?!

again, i say

WHAT?!?!!??!?!?

Does the word "love" mean nothing these days? I mean honestly! How can you say that you love someone, but not enough to be faithful to them? Isn't that contrary to what it means to love someone??

*sigh*

Oh college. Here I am. Back for another fun-filled year. By God's grace, I'm getting to see this friend that I was talking to make some serious changes in his life. Turning towards God after years of being an atheist.

I pray that God continues to make such changes in people. That more may come to know Him every day.

Musings of a miscellaneous nature

~Yay for coming to college completely exhausted. I slept so well last night its not even funny. And as I rule I don't sleep well in new places for a few days until I'm acclimated.

~I'm liking my dorm room. It's pretty swell. Kinda the perfect size too; although movable furniture would be really nice.

~It's my second day here, and I went for my first run today. I like that. I missed running. I've always maintained that it's like a shower for your insides- afterwards you feel so clean!

~Hands down I'm an introvert. So why is it that most of the time when I'm in a group I'm the outgoing one?

~I love having an introverted roommate. It makes life so much easier, and my room so much more relaxing.

~God is good. It's going to be a great year. I can feel it!

Goodbye, goodbye. Parting is such sweet sorrow...

It just caught up to me. I just sat down and thought about it, and realized that this summer completely flew. Not just in the sense that all summers go fast.

No. This one whizzed by at lightning speed.

All good things do I suppose. We were looking at those English books today (I'll tell you what was up with that if you like...) and I couldn't help but think that was the longest summer ever. Because it was (not completely...but mostly) awful.

It seems like I just got a job at Ruby's yesterday. Though my bank account would say differently.

It seems like we just had our first lotr meetings last week. But we've got a movie to prove otherwise.

It seems like May was not long ago, and yet...

It's good. I'm excited to go back to school. Ready? Maybe not. But I'm excited!

Here I go again...but not alone.

Pre-game

Going through my notes on Biblical manhood and womanhood before talking to Pastor Sigrid, I came across a great quote that Piper used:

“In my view, America’s greatest need is for husbands to begin guiding their families rather than pouring every physical and emotional resource into the mere acquisition of money.”
~James Dobson

Political parties

I've decided to switch my party registration. Not that it matters for the upcoming election, but I'm doing it anyway. I've come to realize that it's possible to be a conservative with several liberal tendencies, and absolutely impossible to be a liberal with a lot of conservative ideals.

Hey dol merry dol ring a ding dillo

I'm excited to go back to school. I'm glad that I can finally say that. Glad that I've put my trust in God and put my fears aside. Glad that I've accepted that whatever will happen will happen, and that He has control over it, not me.

Packing today got me psyched. (Although it could have just been the room-cleaning aspect....)

I'm ready to move back in. Ready to re-start dorm life. Ready to live in smaller quarters, with fewer things. Ready to live on a floor, with roommates.

And yet...

I wish that were do-able without leaving my friends. I wish I could mesh the two. Wish that I could say with certainty that I'd see them all before Christmas break.

I mean, honestly. You can't find people this cool anywhere else!

Family Ties

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives.

And while they are the people who've raised you, they're not perfect.

And then you have yourself in a quandary of sorts: loving them as they are, but praying you don't grow up to be the same. Or marry someone who grows up to be the same.

Oh the world we live in...

My friend sent me this link, it's ridiculous beyond reason...

Wikipedia may be normally accurate, but it's got some major issues.

See for yourself....

Nostalga?

I've officially maxed out my bookshelf. The one I got in 4th grade, that I swore I'd never be able to fill.

And in an attempt to clear some space, I attempted a second round of cleaning it out, to donate books I no longer have a use for.

But unlike last time I couldn't get rid of any of them.

At this point, I've got the following shelf organization:
-religion books/Bibles/hymnals....obviously not going anywhere.
-my row o' classics/ books I really want to read at some point- Tolkien, Lewis, and various
-books from high school
-misc- yearbooks, old textbooks that'll be helpful, etc...also staying put.

So, theoretically, I could regain 1/4 of my shelf space if I'd be willing to knock out that 3rd row. Which I thought would be no problem...all the books I wanted to burn all thru high school, I could finally rid myself of.

But apparently it's not that easy. Even though I shuddered to look at the books on the far right (senior year English project books), and all but dropped a book when I recalled the memories of reading it, I couldn't get rid of them. I just can't. They're too much a part of me.

And maybe it has something to do with the fact that I wrote a lot in those books. A lot. And it'd not be too helpful to give them away. All my notes would make it impossible for someone to read.

But there's a part of me that wants to re-read them. Even Silas Marner. And The Old Man and the Sea. (blasphemy! I know!) Partly to re-read my notes. Partly to see what they're like without the pressures of school. Without the obligation of a project. Just to read them for fun.

And yet these books made my life miserable for 4 years...

Is this me just wanting to live in the past? Or just an excuse I'm making to keep some of my worldly goods? Do I just not want to erase the past? Or is there some part of me that just doesn't want to get rid of something I put so much of me into- even though it was too much?

Perhaps it's like my stuffed animals...I needed to be a few years detached from them before I could donate them....

Don't you understand? He saved me!

A video I don't believe I can watch too many times.

How great is our God. That He comes to us when we are so shameful, so ugly, so evil and claims us as His own. He takes us in His arms and heals our wounds and loves us even when we don't love Him.

How great is our God? Someday we'll be able to fully express it to Him.

Closet Skeletons

I had relatives who committed suicide. Far back enough that I never knew them, but close enough that currently-living relatives did.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34)

So simple, and yet so difficult to accomplish. Especially if you're a control freak. You feel like you just need to be in control, and know what's going to happen.

Thanks be to God that such is not the case!

F minus minus

For starters....yeh, I'm using this account. You all knew it was only a matter of time before I made the switch. Though I will not abandon xanga just yet.

A more grown-up blog for more grown-up thoughts, I suppose...

Its amazing how captivating a little box can be. Nothing but flickers of light and bites of sound, and yet it can draw you in and keep you there. A clever device of satan, no doubt.

A whole day utterly wasted. (Well, from noon on anyway....)

It's so addicting. And it's twistedly so. Example: my parents are huge fans of Law and Order. What a sick show! Yes, I realize that atrocities do occur, but to watch it on the edge of our seats like fans at a sporting event....it's horrible. And nothing good comes of it. And yet, you see the first 5 minutes and you're there for an hour, wading through the violence, the drama, the crime, just to see it resolved.

And I suppose it hit home a lot today, because for the first time in I don't know when, I found myself watching tv by myself. I started with my family, but when people got up and left, there I was: glued to the tube.

Knowing all the while I had plenty that I could have been reading. Verses that I could have been memorizing. Or just chillin with Jesus.

How often do you hear people talk about how they're addicted to reading the Bible, or praying, or meditating on God's Word? Where they just started into something and then found the time flying by without them wanting to stop.

Not nearly as often as so many other things.

In fact, I wonder if I've ever really heard that sort of statement.

Thank God for grace. We would be nothing without it. How many graven images have we carved out for ourselves? When we've pointlessly wasted time that could have been spent in the Lord?

The Gospel for this morning was Matthew 13:

Now I've never been one for gardening, but I've done enough of it to know that it's hard work. You work all day long pulling weeds in the heat of the day, sweat dripping from your brow, knees and back aching from the work. Then you spend the evening watering the plants that you want to grow. And the next day, the blasted weeds are back. Your work is never done.

So it is with our faith, I suppose. We never reach that point where we can sit back and admire our lives/work/faith (which is all a gift anyway, so we should be giving thanks for it) (we will get that chance someday, and it'll be awesome!), because it's at that instant that satan is waiting to pounce. The weeds will grow back rapidly if there's no one tending the garden.

Actually the gardening is a better image than I'd initially thought.....

How do you garden?

On your knees.

How do we cultivate our faith? The same way.

And it's not something that can be done every so often, and then let alone. It's a constant commitment to delving into the Word, worshipping, praying, listening every day. Not just once in awhile.

And that's why we need grace, because that's way too big of a task for us to tackle ourselves.

I don't know if in our fallen nature it's even possible to become addicted to these sorts of things, but God willing, and by His grace, I hope to find out!